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What Not To Worry About #45

What Not To Worry About #45

Happy Sunday friends! How has your weekend been? Things have been verrrry slow in the Donnelly/Moffett gaff as we attempt to recover the energy we were drained of over Christmas. It feels good to spend a weekend in one place, waking up in my own bed and taking my time to find my feet again. This morning I pottered downstairs and lit candles as the late morning sun poured through our living room. I put on a new vinyl I’d bought at a charity shop yesterday and played it while drinking a cup of tea and eating pancakes. I was so thrilled by the nothingness of the day that I barely moved except to get groceries and now I am right back on the couch again.

We need these kinds of days don’t we? Where we don’t have to answer to plans or feel guilty for not getting outside and making every minute count while we’re not working. I wrote in my last post how I am savouring the small moments of my here and now and this includes less guilt over staying at home, even when the sun makes a miraculous appearance after a week of rain. It felt good to see blue skies today but it was enough for me to admire the day from my cosy sun-drenched throne, watching the shadows move across the room while I stayed safe under lots of layers.

Yesterday we felt brave and ventured out in to the Baltic winds to go for a dander near Crawfordsburn, my new favourite spot near home. The wind was brutal as we approached the beach, so brutal that we swiftly turned around to find sanctuary in the woodland. While we were in the woods I had this mad impulse to take photos I had been wanting to take for a while. I’ve been wanting to get a bit braver with my photos, experimenting with styles and editing and so I chose yesterday as the day to remove my jumper, cape, boots and socks to parade up and down a log in a flowy dress. I got a few genuinely concerned looks, mostly from Andrew though as I shouted out instructions to him while he attempted to capture my mental idea.

Most of the photos were blurry because Andrew couldn’t even focus the camera with his numb fingers (wee pet) but it felt exciting to be pushing myself a little more creatively, even though some of the photos will never see the light of day! It’s the kind of energy I want to be starting the new year with. Trying something different, even if it sounds a bit mental to some people!

I hope your weekend was a slow one too, we all need to be making the most of this quiet time of the year pals! And with that in mind, here are a few things I’m letting go of before my new week begins…

Realising 2018 is the year I turn 30 – be prepared for lots of posts detailing the horror I feel about turning 30 folks. OK, so I don’t feel real horror but every time I look through old photos these days it feels like an episode of ‘This is Your Life’. There are some positives though I guess, like cherishing the good and true friendships over the ones you hang on to like a pair of pedal pushers. Here’s an article about all those weird friendships you have in your 20’s which sums it up well!!

Office Christmas decorations in January – a constant reminder that our festive break is over and that we need to book annual leave immediately in order to recover from that fact.

Not hearing Christmas songs anymore – I swear they make my commute so much more cheery. I miss them.

Drinking in January – I won’t be joining the Dry January gang I’m afraid and do you know what? Betty White, the 95 year old legendary actress has recently attributed her impressive age to her love of vodka and hotdogs. I mean, if that’s what it takes then I’m game.

The stable genius – how the fuck is this the President of the USA??!! 2018 better short this shit out. Read this for a laugh though.

Have a great week! 

What Are You Taking Control Of In 2018?

What Are You Taking Control Of In 2018?

Happy New Year friends!! How was everyone’s Christmas break?? Does it all feel a million years ago like it does for me?? I took a little more time away from this space than I expected to over the festive period but honestly, it felt like my brain ceased to function once I left my office. I completely clocked off mentally which is exactly what I needed to do although not what I intended for the blog BUT do you know what?? I’ve more energy for writing now that I have had for months. All I want to do now is write and keep writing and I’m hoping that’ll encourage you guys to keep reading too. Turns out my wee brain needed a rest while my jaw went to work on all things food!

My Mum, sister and I rented a house up on the Donegal coast over the Christmas break which was unexpectedly one of the best holidays I’ve had in a long time. We had the most spectacular view over a wee bay that changed with every hour as all kinds of weather battered us from the Atlantic. We had rain lashing against the sky light of the bedrooms; we had crazy winds practically shaking the house; we even had hail for feck sake which we watched from the living room, making sure to stay warm by the log burner of course. When the sun did decide to shine for a millisecond we would throw the coats and boots on us and run down the lane to an empty beach with our collars pulled up around our ruddy faces and hands jammed in to our pockets. We would return home, wild and weather-beaten, with a hot mug of tea to bring our fingers back to life.

The thing that struck me the most during our week in Donegal (aside from the winter winds) was how in control I felt of my own time. Moments melted in to one another without a single thought towards the next one. We didn’t need to plan ahead or stress about cramming in activities. We slept for as long as we wanted, had meals at screwed up times, took a spontaneous drive if we felt like it. For a person whose life is so wrapped up in plans it was the most liberating feeling to be totally living in the moment.

Now that I’m home in Belfast again I wanted to hang on to that liberation a little longer and drag in to to 2018 with me. I want to take control of how present I am in the here and now. My brain is so full of what lies ahead that I’m never fully engaged with what I’m doing at that moment in time. Books are scanned too quickly instead of absorbing each word that moves me. Music isn’t really listened to in the car because I’m too busy thinking about the destination. Cooking is rushed so I can sit down and eat rather than enjoying preparing the food that will nourish me. All these small moments make up the life I’m living and it has dawned on me that if I’m not truly present in those small moments then I’m not truly living either.

I suppose not having control is something I have been aware of for so long that it’s perhaps warped my own ability to live presently. Being born with CF has taught me that no matter how much I plan, my health can turn in the opposite direction so I try to pack in as many experiences as I can to make sure I’m living as full a life as possible. It’s been my way of taking control and yet in a way it’s prevented me from really experiencing the here and now. Being able to just sit and be mindful of what’s directly in front of me, who I am with, that is surely having a full life.

So that’s what I’m taking control of this year: my present, my here, my now. Old habits die hard so I’m not expecting this new mind-set to come easily but I want to at least try. Instead of always chasing the next experience I want to live as if I have already arrived at the destination. I’ve a wee feeling this will make me a lot happier!

I’d love to know if you’ve decided to take control of something in your life this year so please share! Will you be taking more control of your actions? Your treatment of others? Your choices? Your time? 

Will you be saying no more? Yes more? 

I want to know!

And a little thank you to all who took the time to read this wee blog last year. Every comment, every like or message that you send means the whole world to me and reminds me that I’m not just sending words in to an empty space, that there are wonderful people listening. Thank you so much and I so look forward to sharing more yarns in 2018!